The question was as shocking as the bright sun rays that penetrated our curtains.
The question came as we were rising out of bed after a very well rested sleep and after we’ve sweat it out for an hour at the badminton court last evening.
“Why would you say that,” I asked.
“Because you may not display in your physical actions but maybe deep down inside you are one,” she said.
“In what way?” I asked.
Hesitantly she replied, “It’s as if you are physically with me but you share more about what’s in your heart with others.”
I’m like who?
She then slowly divulged that I had actually shared more about my heartfelt thoughts and personal sorrows to my buddies than I would with her. She singled out a male friend and that’s when it clicked.
Honestly…
I told her, to be honest, we some times have to operate like a brother where we share stories because we’re friends. We also have to understand that at times, we just have to encourage each other especially when we are down or when we are faced with challenges beyond comprehension.
To this particular friend, I explained that he has been and is still undergoing a certain level of stress that is difficult to sustain. To empathise and encourage would be the least I can do.
Another factor is the spiritual relationship we have with God. I said I am not sure to what level he has ingrained himself with the Word and how close he is with the Lord but as a brotherly friend or a friendly brother, I just feel compelled to continue encouraging him. It is one thing to profess that we follow God but it is another thing altogether when it comes to the real relationship we have with God. As such, instead of taking chances and risking his spiritual walk, I’d rather continue keeping warm with the Word and know that I can still reach out to him to inspire him about God and that God would still have his back when things seem to be going south.
Of Different Worlds..
I continued the conversation by affirming my wife that she is the only one on my mind and that she’s the only one I love. In no circumstances will I have another one on my mind, much less another man as a companion equal to her. I hope I have managed to convince her about this commitment.
Later after breakfast as we were travelling in the car, a somewhat relatable conversation brought me to say that when we look at both of us, we are drastically different and we actually belong to two different worlds. We differ in so many ways and it would be difficult for us to share some common ground and view points unless we give each other the space to learn, absorb and assimilate everything about each other. To me, that is an acceptable process. It is part and parcel of why two became one.
Stating the above brought my mind to a documentary I have just watched on Netflix on the legendary Quincy Jones. He was quintessentially the best of the best in the music scene that have worked with musical geniuses such as Ray Charles, Herbie Hancock, Michael Jackson, Oprah Winfrey, the We Are The World entourage and more. He is also respected by all the boys and girls from and outside the hood ranging from Will Smith, Jay Z, Dr. Dre to Beyonce and even the top brass of public authority like Colin Powell, Barack Obama and Nelson Mandela. Quincy has done it all from scoring music and movie anthems to identifying talent to contributing to the famine in Africa. But one thing he confessed to not being able to succeed – Marriage.
Ladies and gentlemen, at the point of writing this I’m already 46 years of age. I am not getting younger by the day and my business has just been wiped out by the Covid-19 pandemic. As I pick up the pieces and try as I may to re-stitch the small business I have toiled through the last 7 or 8 years to come to a certain standing before the virus made its unwelcoming entry, in no particular day or time did I ever think about throwing all my energy into building an empire like Quincy and neglecting my manly responsibility at home.
To me, and perhaps I need to hear from those who know better, if I can get my marriage right, I believe everything shall fall into place. But if I get it wrong, everything that can be broken will shatter into pieces just as well. I could be wrong in this thinking but I stand to be corrected if ever my thoughts about the holy union with my wife is wrong.
So whether or not I am gay and whether or not I display any traits of having men in my heart more frequently than I would share my thoughts with my wife, the combustion of dialogues and exchanging of thoughts led me to this conclusion:
- With my belief firmly etched in the Word that one shall marry and till death do us part, I shall uphold this marriage the best that I can.
- To the brotherly friendships, I dare say that it is only healthy when one has a community of friends around them. If not for anything it would be to encourage each other, more so at a time volatile time like this.
- When it comes to business and work, sure they are important but it is my hope that I do not have to succumb to the pressure of having to forego my family while I progress to re-build what was lost. With God’s grace, I should be able to pull through while abiding by His teachings in upholding all that He has blessed upon me and who knows, a new door might open as well.
- Wholeheartedly I believe that when I have my marriage as priority one, my work too will receive its priority one status from my family. This reciprocal treatment is a win-win solution for all and my clients can be more rest assured that they will get the best from me because in return, they have invested the best in me.
- Finally, when I am able to deliver the work commissioned by my clients under the best climates and blessings, I believe God will continue to lay the ground for me to walk on where the unending joy that will birth into our hearts will continue to permeate into every part of our lives. It’s a triple and quadruple win when we arrive at this point.
I hope you find value in this simple sharing of mine today.
Pleasant day folks!
In case you’re wondering, both my wife Lea and I are partners and directors of a content writing and publishing business at Rightwiz Sdn Bhd. Head on to our website at Rightwiz.com for more about us.