If and when my day has come, I would be pleased to know that I’ll be going back to our Father.
From about a year ago, I have read and understood that my days are numbered. It is so short that I will not live to see past the next birthday. Initially, I was quite disturbed by it but it soon wore off when daily activities overtook my clouded mind.
I might say that through it all, from the days when I strived to be someone useful to now being downtrodden by many a reason that seem insurmountable to explain, it is time for me to hang up my boots. I have tried and I have failed if we were to measure life success based on variables measured by ordinary folks.
At this point of writing, we have been living in a world filled with the pandemic of Covid-19. Aside from the economic collapse and the spiritual degradation, some precious lives would also come to the end of their ropes, a time to bid farewell even if it is with a heavy heart.
I am for one right now rather immuned to all the hard knocks that have been put on my life, deservingly or not. Not a day has gone past in recent times when accusations did not boomerang back to me as the final culprit. To this, sometimes the subjects did not even begin with yours truly but have in its own devious ways found its arrows darting back at me. Senseless? Maybe. Tiresome, definitely. I can’t say I’m not worn off. Truth be told, I rejoice in the thought of going back to the Lord.
When rational discussions could not take place because of thunderous storms that shut down the topic – one shouldn’t be surprised why problems cannot be resolved.
When learned thoughts behind taxes, debts and interests is not something one is familiar with yet they assert authority over its handling and disbursements – one shouldn’t be surprised why finances are still in the doldrums.
When all that mattered are glorious appetite for impeccable indulgence – one shouldn’t be surprised why the weighing scale is tipping beyond expectations.
When all blames are pointed to me instead of careful inspection of what and who were involved in the thought process – it begs to question if any decisions arising from this posture will lead to any fruitful outcome.
In the wake of my 4+ decades life, I have gone from comfortable being protected to vulnerable being attacked. Everything as they say has a season for them to play out in a certain period of one’s life. However for mine, the glorious peaks have its merits but the gloomiest adventures, well, all I can say is that I thank God for holding me by the hand when tears streamed down my eyes blinding my vision in the process.
To this end, I am no longer the same in spirit and in physique as I once was. No longer do I have the capability nor even the capacity to be within the confines of camaraderie spirits of friends, pals and close relatives. Not even movies and music I can call to as freely to dazzle my soul. With wings clipped and freedom curtailed, do you wonder why life doesn’t turn a profit?
I surrender to God’s calling. I surrender to His welcoming arms for me to return home. He knows what I have endured. He feels the humiliation when simple life decisions also necessitate approval. To have faced a tyrannical life is one not to be expected. But if to have come to an end in the face of this tyranny as part of the instrument to fulfil His agenda for a reprisal of an enlightened life for this very tyrant, then by all means.
For the timid, narrow, authoritarian and somewhat dictatorial behaviour of the mastermind have caused much anguish and pain, it is to my demise that this suffering will end.
How is it possible to describe the many layers of knowledge to an infant if all the baby did was crying and shouting senselessly? Impossible; the same maybe be said of the truths of all positive endeavours which have been misunderstood and denied as poor judgement.
If my truths have to be buried or cremated with my departure, so be it. If they were not allowed to see the light of day to rationalise why those decisions were taken, it was probably good that they are laid to rest. God in His sovereignty will find His way to unveil when the time is right.
Suffice to say, I have contributed to my very best given the limited perimeter restricted upon me in the final days. I hope that all I have done will one day be appreciated, and maybe also be appropriated. If not, let it also just perish as part of human memory, serving as purposeful as only a small chapter that has been permitted to roam earthly life like a tiger would.
When this weakened toothless tiger is finally laid to rest, I bid adieu and wish those with loving memory of me will go on to thrive in life as I once did, surpassing all my greatness and records beyond anybody’s imagination. All these were possible because the Lord had orchestrated it.
To God be the glory!
I’m home Abba Father!